Living in dorms is an essential part of the college experience. There have always been pros and cons of rooming with your best friend from home rather than living with someone new. Perhaps you need to branch out. Maybe your best friend is a neat freak while you redefine the word “messy.” There are positives and negatives to both sides, but as students approach college and their future housing situations, choosing a new roommate seems like the better option.

Joan M. Schmidt, associate director of residence life at Central Michigan University, reminds us that “Knowing someone and living with someone are very different. College is not like high school, but rather an opportunity start a new life.”

Schmidt’s point is a good one. While your best friend may be awesome to go shopping with, you may not be compatible while sharing a closet. It can become stressful if problems occur, as your relationship with your best friend is the last relationship you want to ruin. If you dislike a new roommate, then you really don’t have much to lose. If you dislike your best friend as a roommate, that can be a bit more complicated.

As a freshman at Texas A&M, Ramey Parks (‘11) says, “It widens the arrangement of people to hang out with at school. It’s easier to live with them because you don’t have to be best friends, but you can. It might be difficult to spend 24 hours with someone you already know.”

As you embark on a new experience in college, the last thing you want to do is limit yourself to a single friend or acquaintance. Think of it this way: you and your best friend are in separate dorms. She becomes friends with her roommate, and you become friends with yours. Now you have a group of four! Four is more than two, right? Rooming with your best friend may cause you to close yourself off to other relationships on campus. You may have little incentive to go out and meet new people when you have a friend of your own in the room.

Nicole Bejar (‘11), a freshman at Gonzaga University, says, “Rooming with a new person is especially helpful with people who aren’t very outgoing. If you already know your roommate, you are less likely to go out and meet new people. There is plenty of time to see your friends outside of class and dorms as well.”

But isn’t branching out taking a big risk? What if you end up with a freak? If you are afraid of a snoring roommate, have no fear! Many universities offer computer matching systems, in which students enter information about their lifestyles (habits, likes, dislikes, etc.) and are paired with another incoming student. That way, if you are a habitually quiet student who has an aversion for partying, the university will not pair you up with a night owl.

Marina Iatomase (‘10), now a sophomore at Santa Clara University, highly praises the housing department. “Housing does a great job of pairing you up. They ask many questions so that you are compatible with your new roommate. Living with someone new is great because I would have never talked with my roommate outside of class unless we were paired together. It is a fantastic way to meet new people.”

New roommates also open you up to a variety of interests. Who knows! Maybe your roommate will be an international student from India. Perhaps she can introduce you to a new cuisine and you can give her a lesson in American lingo. Sticking with a high school friend may continue the growth of high school interests, while a new roommate will expose you to new ideas.

A new roommate also helps one gain important skills regarding communication, conflict management, and compromise. Students will learn to live with new people and be open about communication on all levels. As college is a stepping stone on the way to an independent lifestyle, it is important that students learn how to compromise early on.

Micaela Asercion (‘11), a freshman at Loyola Marymount University, has the experience of rooming with an acquaintance. “My roommate and I were not great friends, but more like acquaintances. We were on student council together so we worked well together and got along well. Coming into the dorms, we knew that we needed to get along and respect onE another. It was nice to transition into college with someone you know and feel comfortable with. However, I would advise students to room with acquaintances, as you may begin to notice all of your best friend’s quirks over time.”

As students venture off to college in the next few years, it is important to remember that college is about new experiences. To truly gain the college experience, one must surround themselves with new people, specifically roommates, so that they can start off college on the right foot.

On January 19, Community Involvement hosted their second annual Poverty Simulation. This year, it was put on by Sacred Heart, and actual clients of Sacred Heart attended and helped.

For the first part of the event, students were given new identifications, families and situations in life. For example, one student was a 20-year-old mother and student who also had to work part-time. The simulation was broken into four fifteen-minute periods, representing a one month period. During this time, each family had to keep up with paying bills, food and childcare expenses, while also making sure children went to school and adults went to work.

Though students did not walk away knowing exactly what it is like to live in poverty, they were certainly exposed to many of the realities and daily stresses that come with a life on the fringes.

The second portion of the simulation was a reflection time in which the students were separated into groups to discuss what they had just experienced. A client from Sacred Heart was put into each group, providing their insight to the students’ real-life experiences with poverty.

CI moderator Ms. McCullough said “I found this time to be the most valuable for students since they were able to hear first-hand accounts about living in poverty.”

White For Rwanda

After learning about the conditions in Rwanda in her Social Justice class, junior Meryl Parks felt called to act. Amazingly, this one student organized and put on a mixer all by herself. Wanting to do something more than a bake sale, Parks decided a mixer would be a great fundraiser.

After planning since October of this past year, the mixer was held on December 26 at the Willow Glen Community Center. Though it may sound simple to host an event like this, all of the components that are required to put on a mixer make it sound nearly impossible for a teenager to put on.

However, Parks’ passion for her cause made her hard work all worthwhile. The attendees of the mixer proved the community’s support for Parks and her mission. The proceeds of her mixer went to St. Ignatius Secondary School in Rwanda. Parks was able to raise over $600 for the school.

Microfinance Fundraiser

One of the new clubs on campus this year, the Microfinance Club, recently held a fundraiser to put their club’s mission to work. An original event comprised entirely by the club members, this fundraiser was not your typical bake sale.

For two weeks, students were asked to bring in a dollar a day, either from their own funds or from donations from friends and family. Along with the intention of raising money, the Microfinance Club wanted to educate the Presentation community about the people they are helping.

The proceeds to their fundraiser are going towards funding scholarships for women in South Sudan. They were able to raise over $2,000 and will be able to provide five girls with school fees for a year. With the education they gain, these women are able to start their own businesses, continue their education and make money to support themselves to ultimately leave their life of poverty.

For this fundraiser, the Microfinance club is working with the organization Mercy Beyond Borders. This is the organization that will set up the scholarships for the women to go to school.

This event is very important because it is empowering women who are otherwise seen without worth. Though they are looking to make a few changes, Microfinance has plans to put this fundraiser on again next year.

To apply, students had to write a short essay about their motivations, experiences and aspirations for the trip. They must also get their parent’s permission. The blessed students going on the trip this year are Brittany Ricketts (’12), Christine Tran (’12), Julia Gallo (‘13), Sarah Magana (’14), Angela Nguyen (’14) and Sana Chadd (’14).

Everyone thinks Los Angles is all about the celebrities and the glitz and glamour. After all, last year we saw Brooke Shields and David Arquette on the trip. However, Tiffanie Obilor (‘13) , Bianka Maries (‘13), Melissa Portillo (‘12), Katie Trinh (‘12), Maryam Qamar (‘11), Kennedy Chelberg (‘11), Athena Moguel (‘11), Señora Perryman and I got to see the other parts of town while working with amazing people. Just some of the many adventures we went on last year included The Museum of Tolerance, Watt’s Towers, Homegirl Cafe, the Griffith Observatory, Plaza Olvera and The Staples Center.

Katie Trinh said, “The trip was simply amazing. There were so many fun and meaningful experiences such as morning Yoga with the sisters and a karaoke night with the homeless! Through those fun activities, we got to listen to personal stories and understand more about homelessness, gangs, and poverty as we bonded with the people we met on the trip.”

The main place students will be visiting, however are Skid Row and many shelters such as the St. Francis Center and Midnight Mission. The second half of the trip is working with the Sister of Presentation in their ESL, GED, computer and citizenship classes. “I enjoyed being a part of the community and school that the Presentation Sisters in LA have established because all of the people were very welcoming and it was a really positive environment,” said Melissa Portillo.

The places you go aren’t nearly as memorable as the people you’ll meet. Not only is it nice to stay with the sisters and see how much of an impact they were making in Watts, but we also had personable conversations with immigrants who had gone through struggles and triumphs most people would not live to tell. These survivors who are there to learn English, graduate high school and become a citizen are unforgettable.

Bianka Mariles said, “I will never forget talking with two immigrants who we made dinner for at Mission Dolores. They were so grateful and kind. They told us, in Spanish, ‘You guys are angels, you’re going to heaven”.

Rosa, who had gone through the sewers to come to the United States, is another inspiring woman who amazed us all. She was helping babysit kids during the day and at night we saw her in classes at the Learning Center. She was just one of the many sweet and grateful friends of the sisters.

If you’re taking Spanish, the trip also gives good use to those skills. “It takes your Spanish out of the classroom — suddenly it matters! You can use your Spanish without anyone judging you and you feel really good about it,” said Modern Language Department Chair Señora Perryman, who also went on the trip.

Another great outcome of the trip is the bound between the students and teachers who go on the trip. Suddenly Pres girls who are older and younger than you that you meet not have known become your family for the week. During the trip, we become each other’s support system and even now when we see each other in the hall way we say “hi.”

Mr. Schmuck, the teacher going on the trip this year, is very excited for the week. “I decided to go on this trip because I had gone on the San Francisco Urban Plunge. Having lived in Los Angles, I’m interested to see another part of the area.” His only concern is not being able to sleep. Last year, we slept on the floor of a soup kitchen on the first night, so his worries are understandable. However, he is most excited about going to Homeboy Industries, a non-profit that helps former gang members get back on their feet with jobs, and meeting Father Greg Boyle, the man who start the movement.

“I’m aware of the diversity of Los Angeles and there’s probably few places in the world that has got such wealth and such poverty in the same place,” he also said. This is evident in LA because Skid Row is just a few blocks away from downtown, where no one seems to notice the thousands of people without a decent home or enough food. “People say if you want to see the future of our country go to Los Angeles- and that’s not necessarily all good.”

The trip is such a blessing for those go. You can still apply next year if you’re not a senior! Ask anyone who has been on it and they will encourage you to apply. Tiffanie Obilor said, “The LA immersion trip changed my life and I am forever grateful that I went on that trip. Go!”

Mr. Pistacchi: “My high school girlfriend moved to Sacramento but we decided to do the long-distance thing. One day I randomly met a guy who lived in her area and asked if he knew her. He said, ‘I totally do, she’s going out with my best friend!’ D’oh.”

Mrs. Cozort: “My boyfriend I had when I was a sophomore in college wanted to get married. He was the sweetest guy, but I didn’t want to get MARRIED yet! I was only 19! After I said I wasn’t ready to leave school to get married and have kids, he transferred to a neighboring school, was married within a year and had twins a year after that. He now has two sets of twins…thank goodness I didn’t sign up for that!”

Ms. Perryman: “Once I was having trouble breaking up with someone because he’d be so sad that I’d give in. So I asked my sister to drive all the way over from Oakland to meet him and break up with him for me. (So lame, I know.) About one day after that he cried again and I caved again, and my sister was so mad at me. Obviously, he finally realized that this was not a healthy relationship and my sister eventually forgave me.”

Mr. Wang: “I was talking to my best friend in my room about deciding whether or not to break up with my girlfriend and she was listening outside my door. She then burst into the room and yelled, ‘If you want to break up with me, just tell me instead of just talking about it!’ Then she slammed the door and stomped away, leaving my best friend and me wide-eyed and staring at each other in disbelief.”

Ms. Gutto: “This isn’t really a break up story per se. I was out with some friends and out of nowhere, this man swaggered up and stepped between my new friend and me. He pointed at me with four of his fingers and said, ‘You. I’d like to take you out sometime. What’s your name?’ His manner annoyed me and I thought he was really rude to step into a conversation, but I was also slightly amused so I said ‘Laura.’ He said, ‘Ok Lauren, what’s your number?’. I didn’t want to give him my number, but I sensed that he was the persistent type and I really just wanted him to go away. In the end I gave him my sister’s number instead because 1) It wasn’t my number and 2) I thought it was funny. He texted her the next day and she thought it was hilarious as did I. Her fiancée wasn’t so happy.”

Mrs. Rodriguez: “I was dating this boy who lived down the street from me during my senior year of high school. He had a wandering eye, and I was growing very tired of it. We went to Valley Fair to do some shopping and I had driven (he did not have a car). After seeing him check out the tenth girl to pass by us, I said I had to use the restroom. I snuck out an emergency exit door, ran to my car and left him there. About three hours later I saw him pass by my house looking completely defeated. I never spoke to him again!”

As you can see teachers have crazy dating histories. Break-ups happen to everyone, and eventually we will learn to look back and laugh at them just like our teachers have.

Judaism: Lizzie Braunreuther

Lizzie Braunreuther, senior, belongs to the Reform Movement of Judaism. This is the least orthodox form of Judaism. When she first came to Presentation, she knew little about Catholicism, other than that Catholics believe in Jesus.

The main difference between Catholicism, and Judaism is, “Catholics believe that Jesus is the savior, while Jews believe that the Messiah is yet to come. While it is likely that he really existed, we just believe that he was an ordinary person like anyone else,” said Braunreuther.

Although Braunreuther does not believe that she will ever convert to Catholicism, she enjoys singing some of the songs at Mass, but does not always feel comfortable. “I don’t entirely feel comfortable praying to Jesus or reciting that I believe Jesus is the Son of God, and becomes one in body through the bread and wine during Communion. It’s just not what I believe, so I chose not to participate in that regard,” said Braunreuther.

Other than feelings of discomfort during Mass, Braunreuther does not feel out of place at a Catholic school. She said, “I definitely feel welcome. I got so many positive responses when I first told people I was Jewish, so now I just work it.”

Islam: Nura Kawa

Junior, Nura Kawa, a member of the Islamic faith was exposed to Hinduism, Judaism, Buddhism, and Christianity while attending Challenger. Although she learned about Christianity in history and English classes, she has had the opportunity to learn about Catholic theology at Presentation.

The Trinity, the Catholic belief that there are three persons in one God, is one core of Catholicism that Kawa had not learned about before high school. In fact, the Trinity is one of the key differences between Islam and Catholicism. “Muslims believe that God, Allah, is not a Trinity but simply one God. Jesus was therefore His prophet, not His Son. Muslims follow the message of Islam as taught by the Prophet Muhammad but do not worship him as a god,” said Kawa.

Since freshman year, Kawa has developed a deeper understanding of the Catholic Church. “Sometimes teachers reference something Catholic that I used to not know about, but by now I’ve learned enough to understand everything in class, even Mr. Buell’s Catholic jokes,” she said.

Kawa has participated in Presentation’s May Day celebration, but does not receive the Eucharist at Mass, or make the sign of the cross. Although she respects Catholicism, Kawa said, “I have a strong faith in my beliefs and have never considered changing them.”

Hinduism: Moni Pal

Moni Pal, a junior, is a Hindu. Compared to Islam and Judaism, which share a common history with Christianity, Hinduism is the least similar to Catholicism.

“The main differences are that we go pray at a temple, we are not monotheists, and we have different beliefs of what happens after death (Hindus believe in reincarnation),” said Pal. These traditions vary greatly from the Catholic beliefs in Heaven and monotheism.

Before coming to Presentation, Pal knew little about Catholicism other than the lessons she learned in about the Holy Roman Empire in history class. On her first day of school, lack of knowledge about Catholicism was a slight issue for Pal.

“The mass that we had on the first day of school of my freshman year was a bit daunting, but other than that, I never felt that I was at a disadvantage because I think that the religion teachers at Pres realize that there are several students who don’t know as much about Catholicism as others do, and I think that they try to make their classes a learning experience for everyone,” said Pal.

Since Pal’s first Mass, she has begun to participate in the liturgy through song, but has never considered becoming Catholic due to her strong Hindu roots.

According to Chinese fork lore, everyone has an animal that represents them and each year, horoscopes are created to predict the luck of each animal in the upcoming year. This next year will be the year of the dragon. To find your animal, simply look for the year you were born (However, if you were born prior to January 23 of that year (ie January 17, 1995), then you are the previous year (1994, dog).

The bro code answers any question they might have to avoid fights or embarrass their friends. The bro code is compiled of hundreds of silly rules (though they think them to be very important) that a bro must follow.

For example, a bro never sends a greeting card to another bro, all bros shall dub one of their bros as his wingman, a bro never shares dessert and a bro shall be able to recite the following reigning champions at any time: Super Bowl and World Series or have your manhood be in question.

Clearly, we need a girl code, so we at the Voice have created one for you. It’s a set of rules which are more mature and can be summed up into Ten Commandments:

1. Thou shall not let your best friend walk out of the house looking like a mess.
If your friend walks out of the house and your first response is “Oh no!” do her a favor and let her know but be sensitive to her feelings. Although we go to Pres and fashion and beauty are not a priority for us, we must remind her that it is for the rest of the outside world.
2. Thou shall always take your best friend’s side when she is in an argument (even if she is wrong). If your friend is in an argument it is best to always have her back if you wish to still call her a friend. Even if she is completely wrong take her side, because you don’t want to be in the way of her womanly wrath. After the situation has calmed down would be the best time to tell her, “Girl, you are dead wrong, Jesus rose on the 7th day not the 8th.” Let her down easy.
3. Thou shall not choose a guy over your best friend–this is also known as sisters before misters. Remember best friends are forever. The guy you just met will soon be called “what’s his face.” Your friend is always there for you, she lets you vent to her, she buys you ice cream and pigs out with you in front of the TV every time you get hurt, so remain a loyal friend.
4. Thou shall not befriend and definitely not date your best friend’s ex. Even if your best friend’s ex is Channing Tatum or Josh Hutcherson, you must resist; it is your duty as a best friend. Even if she says it’s okay, is it worth the risk? Succumbing to your feeling could lead you to have to choose between your best friend and your boyfriend.
5. Thou shall not take away the man your best friend has been crushing on. If she tells you that she likes him or you get the feeling she is into him, he is now “officially” unavailable. You will have to play wingwoman and tell him what a fantastic girl your best friend is.
6. Thou shall not purchase an item if your friend called dibs first. Shopping is one of the main activities best friends do together, so to avoid a fight and getting caught wearing the same article of clothing respect her claim on an item.
7. Thou shall listen if your best friends want to vent. We all do it. We call up a friend and just bad mouth about our boyfriends and the people who pissed us off that day. You might want to add in to the hate fest or try to defend someone but resist and just listen. As a best friend you must let her vent to you without judgment.
8. Thou shall not try to take the spot light away from thy best friend. If she just told you she got her license and got an A on the Pre Calc final, the things she has been wishing for all year, don’t take away her spot light. Don’t let your friendship turn into a competition. Let her have her moment in the lime light, your day will come when she has to dote on you.
9. Thou shall not let your friend or even your enemies touch Panther. We girls must stick together and beware of the dandruff.
10. Thou shall travel in packs or pairs, thou shall not let your best friend travel alone, WHOO BUDDY SYSTEM. If you’re at the mall and she needs to go back to her car, it’s best to go with her, to keep her company and it’s also safer. As for the traveling to the bathroom together, it’s just something we do, it’s a girl thing.

The sound has been ingrained in our heads since preschool. It drives school life, keeps us on a schedule and makes sure that we all get to class on time. Practically every school in the world has one and for good reason; the sound has authority over every aspect of school. It might even be something we all took for granted. Well, until now.

The bell is truly a school symbol. Sure, there has been some evolution. No longer do we see iron bells perched on top of school buildings that have to be manually rung early in the morning. But the concept behind it still holds true. The ring of the bell serves as a sign of unity for the school: an iconic sound which initiates each and every day and class. It has become part of the school culture with students of all ages desperately waiting for the sound of freedom at the beginning of lunch or the end of a long school day.

It has also, as of February 1, become part of Presentation High School’s past.

Starting next week, Pres is changing its bell system. Well more accurately, not having one.

Vice Principal of Student Services, Mrs. Mikacich, clarifies the changes and says, “Beginning February 1, we will not ring any school bells. We want to minimize the noise level throughout the school day. Frankly the bells are not pleasant and to many the sound they make is annoying. We believe teachers and students will be able to watch the time, as all school clocks are synchronized, and switch classes with ease. We plan to go without ring the bells for the month of February. As with anything new we will evaluate how it is going during the month of February.”

There’s no doubt that the changes impact students the most. The bell is what each and every student utilizes to get to class on time. It feels like without it, there will be plenty more girls serving trash duty and detention each day.

Mrs. Doolin, the school Attendance Secretary, clarifies these concerns. She says, “The new bell system does not change the attendance policy, including the tardy policy. It does require students and teachers to pay attention to the time. As Presentation helps to prepare students for college, this is another way we prepare our students for their college years [where bells are not used]. Students will need to be diligent in keeping track of time so that they can get to class on time.”

Nevertheless, fear is already spreading. Five minutes to get from one side of the school to another is already difficult for some students. Now, with fears of one class getting out a minute late and the other starting a minute early, students say there will be no time to do what they need to do in between periods.

“I will be so scared to do anything between classes,” says senior Nicole Bruno. “Some teachers don’t let you use the bathroom and now I won’t ever feel like I have enough time to use the restroom in those few minutes. I’ll have to carry all my textbooks with me all day and never be able to print something out in the minutes before class. The new system just adds more stress to my day.”

Other students are voicing their concern about how teachers might extend class overtime if there is no official declaration that the 85 minutes is up.

Junior Soumya Banna says, “Teachers are going to make their own schedules. We are never going to get out on time. Two minutes after the lunch bell makes a huge difference when it comes to getting in the lunch line fast enough. Some students won’t ever get to club meetings on time.”

Director of Student Activities, Ms. Cobarrubia, says, “If we are all mindful of the clock and respect each other’s time, then I think it can absolutely change our school’s climate for the better.”

Students may take some time to get used to the changes, but teachers are already praising the new system.

Ms. Cobarrubia says, “The new bell system will hopefully create a less disruptive atmosphere. Outside of elementary and high school, life doesn’t run on bells. Just think about your own activities after school – you still make it to your after school activities without a bell and you manage to turn on your favorite TV show just in time for it to start. In college, your class schedule won’t be dictated by bells, either. I think in a way that this will help transition students to life beyond Pres, too.”

Change can be good and bad. As long as students and teachers keep an open mind, and an open eye at the clock, the new system shouldn’t take too long to adjust to. It might even be more beneficial then we all thought, as it will help us in all aspects of our life. The best thing to do? Buy a watch.

Dear Francine,

When I was just a young kitten coming to Pres, I was just as worried as you are! There were so many responsibilities! I had to make sure to keep up with my friends Ms. Raposa and Ms. Goldau, but I sometimes worried that spending time with them would prevent me from doing what was also important: eating and (sometimes) cleaning myself! However, I soon figured out that I didn’t have to pick between my social life and my responsibilities, and neither do you!

The key to balancing your work is organization and time management. Each day, make a list of the assignments you need to complete. Make yourself a tentative schedule of how long you will spend on each assignment to keep yourself on track! Don’t forget to schedule in some time for yourself! You’ll go crazy if you never give yourself time to relax. While you can’t spend hours goofing off every day, don’t forget to take a little break!

Finally, be sure to carefully think about your experience this year as you begin scheduling your classes for next year! Take a free period if you could use extra time to work on your homework. Be aware of art and physical education requirements (Now that I think about it, I should probably join a P.E. class to shed some extra pounds…). Most importantly, don’t take on more than you can handle. You should never be afraid to challenge yourself, but you also need to make sure not to overload on activities and difficult classes!

If you ever need a break or someone to talk to, be sure to say hi to me in the hallways!

Love,
Panther

Dear Wanda,

My slow pace may suggest differently, but I actually try to get across the school in a timely manner. Some girls seem to be unaware that there are others in the same hallway, and they stop abruptly to chat with their friends. I have witnessed many different ways of handling people like this, but the most effective is clearly being kind. The most successful travelers in the Pres hallways politely say “excuse me,” and move on to their destination. However, girls do not always hear these polite requests.

Girls who stop in the hallways are not intentionally trying to get in your way. They are most likely just oblivious or distracted! The best way to make sure they notice you is to gently place a hand on their shoulder as you say “excuse me.” That strategy has worked every time I’ve watched it! If you still can’t get them to move, just come find me! People tend to avoid me in the hallways. I wonder why! Do I smell bad?

Love,
Panther ]]> http://www.presentationvoice.com/features/2011/12/29/dear-panther-5/feed/ 0 http://www.presentationvoice.com/features/2011/12/19/guys-arent-difficult-say-what/ http://www.presentationvoice.com/features/2011/12/19/guys-arent-difficult-say-what/#comments Tue, 20 Dec 2011 05:26:35 +0000 oproffit http://www.presentationvoice.com/?p=5800 As the common saying about relationships between men and women goes, “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.” That’s funny because last time I checked, we are all born on Earth. So let’s rethink that statement.

True, you complain all of the time to your friends that your man is difficult. You can’t read him and because he doesn’t talk that much, he’s hard to deal with. I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong. On the flip side, guys always accuse us girls of being crazy and bickering. They are wrong, too. We are all wrong! So why is it so hard to understand the opposite sex? Blame communication.

According to Dr. Louann Brizendine, clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Francisco, women say an average of 20,000 words a day while men say about 7,000. That huge gap is bound to cause some issues, especially dealing with conflicts, expressing feelings, listening and understanding one another.

Say you go home and your mom is mad at your dad. She is throwing a little fit and battering him with questions and he is just ignoring everything she says instead. In fact, he walks out of the room, which makes your mom even more upset! Sound familiar?

When a conflict in any kind of relationship comes around, women are usually the ones to want to sit down and have that talk, with the intention that the conflict will resolve. Women want to solve the issues immediately. Men don’t.

Junior Sara vonDohren can empathize. She speaks of her boyfriend, “When I am upset, sometimes he just won’t text me back!”

The way that a man’s brain works is that he needs to leave and reflect on his own before coming back to the woman. If the woman is trying to get the man to talk about what happened, he won’t do it because he is feeling attacked. The result is that the woman feels neglected.

Surprise–he’s not intentionally neglecting her. Men simply deal with things differently than women. Have you ever noticed that when guys get in fights, they get over it in about three minutes and it’s never brought up again? That’s because they don’t see the reason to talk about something after it is solved, which is why after your dad comes back after reflecting, he acts like nothing happened. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care; he just got over it quicker than the woman did.

Let’s say that after your dad came back and ignored the situation, your mom got mad and went into another room. Your dad, of course, took this as a sign that she wanted to be alone, since that’s what he does. Your mom gets mad again and pushes him to talk. Your dad, sick of being nagged, gives in. When your mom starts to talk, it seems like she is the only one talking and your dad is giving blunt answers.

When women get involved in a relationship, they want to talk about emotions in order to create a more intimate relationship with the man. Women use disclosure to get closer while men use activities. The reason that men don’t talk much about their feelings with their buddies is because they hang out with other guys to have a good time. When a man gets involved with a woman, he usually has trouble acting in a more sensitive manner. Again, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care; he just doesn’t see the point.

Sara’s boyfriend, Joey Sanfilippo, says, “She will say: Is there something wrong? Let’s talk about it. When I am with my friends, we just punch each other, say suck it up, and then we’re fine.”

According to relationship expert Kara Oh, “Men don’t like to talk about emotions and personal issues because they don’t really have access to their emotions the way women do.” He thinks of it as: if the conflict is over, then why talk about it?

When he rarely does share emotions, he may use small words. For example, when your mom asks your dad, “How are you?” and he replies with “fine,” your mom may get frustrated and ask to elaborate. He, again, may say that he is just fine. Women need to understand that “fine” means “fine.” There is really not much to it. When men say something, they mean it. Women tend to over- analyze responses like this and get upset because women like to share deeper feelings more often.

“In general, men tend to leave out all the details and get straight to the point. They need time to organize their thoughts,” says Oh. Basically, if he says he’s fine, he is. End of story.

If your man tends to zone out during a conversation, check your surroundings. Is he doing something else? A woman’s mind allows her to be great at multitasking. Women can be doing the dishes while having an important conversation on the phone or they can do work while scolding the kids. Men can’t.

But it’s not their fault. Men have what is called a single-channeled mind. Most of the time, they can only focus on one thing, which is why when you ask your dad for something while he is on the computer and he says yes, he “forgets” later. You may not believe him, but it’s true. He was more focused on the computer than you and therefore could not remember. It’s simply the way that a man’s brain works. If you want a man’s full attention, make sure he is not doing anything else.

Another thing to remember is that men do not understand hints. They just don’t. Let’s say you want something for your birthday and tell your boyfriend in a joking manner. He will take it as a serious joke and conclude that you are just kidding. So don’t expect that present. They can’t read minds! Don’t expect them to! If you want a ring for your birthday, tell him you want a ring for your birthday. It’s that simple.

Men and women obviously communicate in very different ways. The thing that needs to be understood is that neither way is better; it’s just different. So next time you are having issues talking to a guy, remember that he thinks differently than you. It’s not his fault and it doesn’t make him difficult. It makes him different, which is what draws women to men in the first place. Men are not from Mars, women are not from Venus; we all just need to learn how to live together… on Earth.